A little late

I don't 'do' New Year's Resolutions. I never used to keep them so for years it seemed pointless. Then I made one that I have kept - I will never make another New Year's Resolution. So far so good.

So in the vein of keeping that one, I present my plan for 2010* . . .

1. No surgeries. Please, let me be done!

2. At least once a month, coparent and I will head OUT with the children - explore, socialise, experience, live!

3. Less TV and internet and more IRL chat.

4. Less use of terms such as IRL.

5. More exercise, and better food. Recovering in bed twice this year, plus living with largely chronic pain hasn't done much for my weight. I'm very uncomfortable in myself at the moment so back come the salads are farewell to the hot chips. *Sob*

6. Continue not smoking.

7. I will not berate myself for being stupid. I wasn't stupid. I was trusting, I was loving, I was supportive. I was honest and expected it in return. Others' actions do not make me stupid.

8. I will have a life outside of work. Even if it means I have to force myself - which I will have to given I'm socially awkward. I usually enjoy myself once out but making plans and getting out that door are near impossible some days. Let's call this one a work-in-progress.

9. I will swim. I have a pool. It's in the process of being changed from green back to blue. When it's ready, I'm going to actually use it.

10. Somewhere in there, I will try to continue to find time for dating.


*not to be confused with any sort of resolution. New Years or otherwise.

Why is it?

Why is it people always turn up at the worst time? We took the kids and dog to the park last night. Mr Smoochy decided he desperately needed to pee. No toilets. And hey, it is a dog park. No people around so we let him pee on a tree. As soon as he starts, parents pushing a pram turn up. Guess they know now who the heathens are in the neighbourhood!

Why is it that I'm heading up to Cairns for a holiday and I just know I'm going to run in to my ex?

Why is it that I go shopping to get everything we need and I forget the simple stuff?

Why is it that I'm lucky enough to be able to take Mini-Me on a holiday for doing well in school?

Just some pondering.

10 Things about me

Here we have it. 10 (legal) things about me (that I'm prepared to post!).

1. I used to be a little wild. Ok, a lot. I moved out of home (for the first time!) at 17 and lived in a share house with 9 other people for the bargain basement price of $60 per week rent. I only knew two of the housemates. We didn’t have a car so used to buy only as much food as we could carry up a large hill to the house. For a while I went even wilder. . . .

Not me. And probably a tad more sedate and reserved than I was.

2. I had my first drink at 13. I don’t think it really counted because it was only a swig of West Coast Cooler that was bandied about at a party. I was picked up by Dad and after being home for an hour I threw up. From a SWIG. I blamed it on the Caramel Tarts served at the party. Tarts are EVIL.

3. One of my nicknames is Amazon Woman. Mainly because I’m 6’3” tall. Also because I’m a warrior of life. And I value women. Having said that I never intend to cut off my right breast. There are limits peoples.

She would be totally worth becoming a member of her tribe. lol.

4. I never wanted twins. Seriously. Love them immensely but I didn’t want two at a time. At our first scan (7 weeks, 3 days) there was only one with a heartbeat and an empty sack. Coparent and I txt family to happily announce all was well and there was only one. Then we had to retell the correct story three weeks later when our OB found a second baby!

5. I’ve had major depression twice. Post Natal depression after each of my pregnancies. Twice I’ve been hospitalised with it. I credit the Brisbane Centre for Post Natal Disorders with saving my life – twice! They are truly fantastic in there and I highly recommend them to anyone who is in the Brisbane area and is struggling. My biggest regret is that it the first time I had PND, I hit it from my friends and family for 6 long weeks until I completely lost the plot at the clinic where I’d taken Mini-me to be weighed. I burnt my hand and just lost it and didn’t get it back. A stranger had to hold my baby because I didn’t feel capable of it and *knew* I was a terrible mother who didn’t deserve her. If you are struggling, get and accept help. Life can be so much better.

6. I once hitchhiked. Stupid, stupid, stupid. A ‘friend’ and I were down the coast to see a band. The people who gave us a lift took off. No money for a taxi. Buses had stopped. So we hitched. Yeah, that’s one I’ve never told my parents! Fortunately it was a lovely middle-aged lady who picked us up to stop any weirdo grabbing us.

7. When pulled over by the police I lose the ability to speak in coherent sentences. Whatever I say comes out as ‘err, aaah, I . . . err . .umm . . ‘. Even when I know I haven’t done anything wrong!

8. I have been to some of the daggiest concerts of all time. Seriously. A-ha. Bon Jovi, Tina Turner, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, Human Nature. Some of the I actually (and scarily) enjoyed.

Remember these boys? So pretty. So safe. So girly. No wonder I am who I am! lol

9. I get extremely frustrated when people refuse to get help for problems. Or choose to wallow indefinitely. If there is a problem, FIX IT. DO something about it. Get help. Admit you have a problem. Speak to someone. Get someone else to help you. When it’s offered, accept it. I wallow at times. But I refuse to do it indefinitely. I deserve better than to spend my life in a black hole.

10. I'm dating again.

Now it's customary to nominate others for the Honest Blog Scrap Award. Most of the blogs I follow have already done it, but I'm going to single out two people.

One - Damien over at 2 Cents Worth. Love, love, love this man. He has been a friend (and flatmate at one time!) for many years. He's opinionated and brash and has a cool blog. Not safe for work or kiddies though!!!

Two - my dear friend RW. Now, she doesn't have a blog but SHE SHOULD!! This woman is an excellent writer. She is also an excellent friend. I love to read anything she's written. Heck, I'd even probably enjoy a shopping list penned by her! So RW, take this as your challenge - START A BLOG!

Honest Scrap Award

Firstly, a huge thank you to Madmother for bestowing upon me the Honest Scrap Award.

I'll be back soon to post 10 Things You Never Knew About Me. I have to decide which 10 to post!!

I'm not the girliest of girls.

I don't wear skirts. Or dresses.

I don't look good in them. Being so tall I can never find 'pretty' shoes to go with them and they're just not me. I'm not comfortable in them. I am not the girliest of girls.

Post hyster though, I've been forced to wear girly clothing. It's strange that once they remove your uterus, your belly swells up so you look (and if you include the pain, fatigue and blerk feelings) and feel around 5 months pregnant. NONE of my pants would go on. Those that would, hurt. On the VERY odd times I've been out of the house I've worn one off two dresses that I own. It's in perfectly good condition - it's been previously worn once in 5 years!

For Christmas I had to go out and buy an emergency skirt. The one dress I owned was too short and too revealing and just too damn uncomfortable to spend the day in. So another skirt has joined the wardrobe. Fortunately I didn't spend a lot on it because . . .

Today I wore pants!!!

And drove!!!!

And took Mini-me shopping with gift vouchers we'd received for Christmas!!!

I'm completely wiped out this afternoon, and more than a little sore, but also a tad estatic. I'm one giant step closer to feeling like myself again. And I didn't even need 'pretty' shoes.

The Queen of Complications . . .

is so far complication free.



I know. Shocking.

It was touch and go for a long while on Monday to see if surgery was going ahead. I'd developed a cold the night before and felt . .well . . .damn awful. I had about 2 hours of broken, anxious sleep and rang the Dr straight away to check if it would be canceled. I was crying - panic, anxiety, fatigue and the thought that I wouldn't be able to do this after gearing up for it got to me. I couldn't even have coffee! I am NOT resilient without coffee.

At 9:45am we decided that even if we didn't have a final answer, we should head in. So the phone was diverted to the mobile and we started driving. Dr M finally rang - he was happy to go ahead but it depending on the anethetist. So I still wouldn't know until right before surgery if it was happening. Timing. I suck at it.

Dr Sleepy said he was ok to do the surgery so being fully dressed in surgical gear, IV'd and prepped, the decision was made to go ahead. I managed to catch up on some sleep during the GA and was oblivious to the fact that they had some difficulties with my lungs and debating cancelling.

Fortunately my body started behaving and it went ahead. There were some additional problems found and repaired but I was oblivious and feeling good. I'm happy. The thought that it would have to be postponed had stressed me. I would have had to take time off at the start of the school year, and would have had to cancel a trip Mini-me has been working towards all year. The thought of devistating her was unbearable so I'm glad.

Despite having a cold and experiencing the joy of coughing post stomach surgery, recovery has gone well. I'm in minimal pain. I'm not *touch wood* depressed but realise it could still be coming. I'm happy it was done and the idea of never having another period is mindblowingly awesome!!

I'm on the way back.

Quietly freaking out . ..

Mildly though. I've got it under control. Sort of.

Surgery is on Monday.

I've had my blood test done and the hospital will be holding blood for me in case I require a transfusion.

I've had my final pre-op surgeon appointment and ultrasound. The good news is the cyst on my left ovary couldn't be seen!! Yippee leftie!! The bad news is the one on the right has continued to grow and the uterus is still too big, too bulky and I guess feeling less than fresh lol. It's time to go . . . uterus!

Dr M kindly ran through the risks . . .again. Completely terrifying me. But I know he has to legally. I signed a heap of paperwork and paid out an amount that would feed several families in several African villages for several years. Pity I won't get cards and update letters from my soon to be ex internal organs.

I've bought myself some of the True Blood series books and I've familiarised myself with the new Foxtel channels.

I've freaked myself out with thoughts of complications and dying and then covered it up with some rocking, hands over ears, singing la la la la la type activity.

I think I'm ready.