Sunday, October 25, 2009


Many moons ago when I was in the BCPND (aka Lovely Loony Bin / LLB) I had psychological testing done in an effort to help me understand myself and my thinking habits a little more. The theory being, that if you understand your negative thinking, you can change it. It's a theory.

One of these tests investigated what schemas or thought patterns I had lurking around in this slightly-off-centre brain of mine.

Anyway, I had two stays in the LLB and both times the same testing was done. The same results came back. Suggesting not only did I have these schemas, but that they were damn persistent little buggers as well.

My main schemas which attract problems are core beliefs that I hold to be true. They may not be. But in my brain they are. When I have experiences that support them, they are reinforced. When I have experiences that negate them . . .well I don't seem to see them often because I can't remember any!

My schemas?

That people are basically dishonest and will always lie.
That people will always leave.

This week someone very close to me, someone who knew exactly all about my warped thinking patterns (and of course, in a big fat lie said that he would prove me wrong because he would never lie or leave) decided to throw away 20+ years of friendship, partnership, love (and lust!) to be with someone he's known a few weeks.

So yet again, here's to you negative schemas. I'm right. People are basically dishonest and will always lie. People will always leave. You can support them, love them, be loyal to them, travel to different parts of the country to try to help them, show them tough love and show them loyal love, and they will still leave.

When they say they won't, they're lying. When they tell you over and over again how much they love you, how there will never be any one else, how they wake up each morning and firstly think of you, how you have always been number one and always will be, they are lying.

Because people are basically dishonest and will always lie.
And people will always leave.


  1. Oh fuck. That is a hard one. And also one I cannot argue with because I feel like you do. Have no words of wisdom, but am thinking of you.

  2. I am so sorry to hear that, that's awful. Nothing else I feel I can say of use. Jut hang in there.

  3. Well I know it probably doesnt mean much to you now but I just want you to know where ever I am, I will never leave your heart Lis. You have been a very dear friend to me. Sometimes we go months without chatting but we always seem to pick it up again right where we left off. You are so beautiful and caring. Its only a matter of time before someone better walks into your life. Dont let a parasite like that bring you down. You deserve better
    *big hugs*