Monday, April 27, 2009

I got lucky!

First ultrasound was today.

I drank (water - not vodka as the kids tried to tell me!) all through last session at school and tried desperately not to do the 'I-have-to-pee-happy-dance' during class. I ran for the door on finishing and figured if I get there early, I'd go in early and could pee sooner. Great idea, right? Wrong!

For some weird reason I sllipped into the Twilight Zone on the way there and a usual 10 minute trip took 20 minutes. I'm not sure where I was but if anyone mentions seeing me between 2:50pm and 3:10pm, do let me know! So I arrived just on time, about to burst, and yep, you guessed it. Got kept waiting another 20 minutes!!! EEK! *Insert quick reminder for all women to do their pelvic floors. Yes. You. Right now. No, that doesn't count, you were pretending. Go again!*

The scan started out ok except it turns out I have a tilted uterus. Yes, apparently not even my uterus is straight which made it hard to see Cysty (yeah, I named it. I figured it was in an intimate relationship with my innards so needed a name). So yes folks. She advised the best way to get this done; was the internal.

For those who haven't heard of this test, let's just refer to it as either Dildocam or Wand O Magic. Yes, it goes up there. Yes, it's apparently meant to be serious, anxiety producing, uncomfortable and all of the above.

Not for me though. Sadly being the mature woman I am, I couldn't stop giggling. I mean cmon. This was the first time I'd gotten lucky in . . .umm . . .well let's just say it's been awhile! Sadly though I didn't get dinner but I'm thinking seeing your cervix and ovaries on a big screen tv counts as a movie so I guess the lady doing the scan was IN!

The lady was very lovely, even if she did wield the Wand O Magic like she was driving a manual truck. She did ask me to . . . err . . . inject the Wand O Magic myself which was a little stressful. How far up are you supposed to put those things anyway? I mean, what if you're meant to put it just in? Does shoving it in so far she could see my tonsils mean I'm rude? Does putting it just in mean I secretly want to be revirginised? Just who does the ettiquete lessons for dildocams anyway?

Results not back yet. Expected tomorrow or Wednesday.

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