MI

Mental Illness sucks.

Being so ill that you start thinking 'gee, if I was dead, I wouldn't have to worry about what to do about work' and viewing that as a positive . . .well that sucks.

I'm getting help.

I've seen a GP. Dr Racist. Yeah, I know. But when you're mid meltdown, almost any GP will do. He thinks my Depression score is too high and I'm catastrophising. He doesn't believe I'm that depressed. Damn. And I actually minimised some answers.

I have new meds - Pristiq and Lexotan. After two weeks they've pretty much achieved . . .nothing.

I have a new psychologist (aka LD). I've seen her twice. We have a long way to go.

I tried to resign my job and achieved . . .almost nothing. My boss wouldn't accept it. She wants me to wait until the meds work, think clearly and come back. So I'm on leave.

Personally I can't see myself ever teaching anyone else's children ever again.

But I'm still here.

And back to Dr Racist . . .

Amazingly we got through the entire appointment without a single racist comment - woohoo! Kudos for Dr Racist!!

Apparently there are two types of ovarian cysts. Simple and complex. Mine is of course, complex, which as its name suggests is not the type you want to have.

My uterus is also not looking so shiny and new. It's too big and full - could be from being Amazon Woman and having three children, or could be a more serious problem.

Either way, I've been referred to a gyno who will at the least do a Have-a-look-and-see-surgery to possibly ripping everything out. Yippee. for. me.

So why am I blogging again?

Mainly because just as I thought life would settle down a little, the Big Kahuna decided to shat on me once again. *waits for Big Kahuna to smite me for calling Him Big Kahuna*

After feeling unwell for a while, I headed back to Dr Why Bother for a flu shot and review of an earlier x-ray.

Symptoms were varied including many I hadn't mentioned to Coparent:

• Reflux. BAD

• Stomach pain - like I'd found that sharp knife I'd lost. In. my. stomach.

• Inability to swallow - mainly at night. There's nothing quite like rolling over for a swig of a drink and being unable to swallow it.
  

• Weird full feeling in chest including slightly funky back pain

Long story shot is Dr Why Bother refused to provide the flu shot. Rude. And said I had to present to the local hospital's ED (forevermore known as Likely to Kill You Hospital).

I smiled and nodded but knew I would rather crawl on broken glass than present to Likely to Kill You Hospital.

With Coparent's help, I made an appointment with Dr I'm-a-Racist-but-ok-in-a-pinch who promptly sent me for bloods, urine test and a CT scan. Eek! Interestingly the results from Dr Racist revealed:

I have a large incarcerated hiatus hernia. No, it's not exactly in jail but basically half of my stomach is stuck up in my chest behind my heart. Clearly it couldn't find the GPS one day and just got lost while wandering.

I have an incisional hernia down below. Yeah, the two surgeries done a couple of years ago by Dr Damn Nice haven't quite taken. NOT IMPRESSED.

I have a large cyst on my ovary. Yippee! This organ finally gets to rest and chucks a wobbly!

I have a boney 'growth' off my pubic bone. Most probably benign although they usually continue to grow and as I'm kinda attached to my bladder working these days, it will need attention.

Cysts on my kidneys. Apparently usually normal but hey, they just add to the fun!

Upshot is I will need surgery again. At least one, possibly more.

Monday I got for an ultrasound to suss out the ovary and pubic bone and Friday I meet up with Dr Damn Nice yet again. He'd better be nice - at this stage two surgeries have failed and I'm most likely going to let him do a third and therefore he'll accept another housepayment or two from me.

So yeah, I'm blogging again. I figure it's cheaper than therapy.