Successfully completed prac in a particular school area - check.
First year teacher - check
Teacher in a school in the same area - check.
Passed probation - check
GPA over 5.5 - check.
Nominated by my school for meeting all of the requirements for Beginning Teacher of the Year award? Nope.
Requested by my school that I attend to watch a uni colleague accept the award, who got a lower GPA than I did, plus only did one prac in the school area, plus requested help from me while we were at uni - check.
Bitter and pissed off Beginning Teacher here? Yep.
I won't blow my own trumpet, but I think I have genuinely done a good job this year. I've been complimented by my peers and direct supervisor. I've passed probation - easily. I've dealt with some really tough situations and survived. I've built relationships where it was thought impossible. I've helped other beginning teachers when they were struggling. I've signed up for extra curricular groups and helped plan curriculum that I won't actually be teaching next year.
I suppose it's too much to ask that I get nominated for an award that I'm qualified for. I didn't dream of winning. But to be at least included would have made me happy and I would have felt recognised. At the moment I'm feeling rather forgotten and it doesn't feel nice.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Operation Rip Out Uterus is booked
Dec 7th.
I'll miss the last week of school which is annoying me. It's the easiest week and I have to miss it!! Grrr.
Regardless, after Dec 7th - and a largish recovery period - I should have a decent reduction in the amount of pain I'm in. At the moment I'm in pain of varying degrees for aroun 2-3 weeks a month so I am looking forward to that going.
The Dr M clarified that he'll be taking the uterus, my right ovary, and both fallopian tubes (who needs them now? lol). He will cut away any and all endo he finds and may remove my appendix if it happens to be covered in endo.
I'll have more scars. I know I'll be unhappy about it once the post GA depression kicks in. I just have to remember I'm more than my belly and my kids love me regardless.
He's not expecting complications. He hasn't operated on me yet though. I think he's spoke to Dr Damn Nice though because he's insisted the op gets done two weeks before he goes on leave to make sure I have a good amount of recovery time to watch for problems.
Please let this one go as smoothly as the last!!
I'll miss the last week of school which is annoying me. It's the easiest week and I have to miss it!! Grrr.
Regardless, after Dec 7th - and a largish recovery period - I should have a decent reduction in the amount of pain I'm in. At the moment I'm in pain of varying degrees for aroun 2-3 weeks a month so I am looking forward to that going.
The Dr M clarified that he'll be taking the uterus, my right ovary, and both fallopian tubes (who needs them now? lol). He will cut away any and all endo he finds and may remove my appendix if it happens to be covered in endo.
I'll have more scars. I know I'll be unhappy about it once the post GA depression kicks in. I just have to remember I'm more than my belly and my kids love me regardless.
He's not expecting complications. He hasn't operated on me yet though. I think he's spoke to Dr Damn Nice though because he's insisted the op gets done two weeks before he goes on leave to make sure I have a good amount of recovery time to watch for problems.
Please let this one go as smoothly as the last!!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I'm in love . . .
and its name is Gerni.
Ok, well that's not technically it's name. It's just what they were called when I was a kid. It's a high pressure water hose and it's the latest present Coparent and I have given ourselves.
We've Gernied the fences, the paths, the stepstones (which are actually a lovely terracotta shade - we thought they were beige!), the house, the pergola, the cafe blinds, the windows and occasionally by accident, ourselves. So far the children have been spared although we have considered it for next time Mr Cheeky decides that using the toilet is not for him and lets loose in his pants.
So it's been springcleaning time in the resilience household. We've cleaned, we've mowed, we've weeded, we've hedged, we've tidied, we've gernied. We've repaired, we've installed, we've replaced and we're now completely knackered.
Anyway, to show off my new love, here's a pic of Coparent attacking the birdbath in the front yard. Who knew it was white?!?!
Ok, well that's not technically it's name. It's just what they were called when I was a kid. It's a high pressure water hose and it's the latest present Coparent and I have given ourselves.
We've Gernied the fences, the paths, the stepstones (which are actually a lovely terracotta shade - we thought they were beige!), the house, the pergola, the cafe blinds, the windows and occasionally by accident, ourselves. So far the children have been spared although we have considered it for next time Mr Cheeky decides that using the toilet is not for him and lets loose in his pants.
So it's been springcleaning time in the resilience household. We've cleaned, we've mowed, we've weeded, we've hedged, we've tidied, we've gernied. We've repaired, we've installed, we've replaced and we're now completely knackered.
Anyway, to show off my new love, here's a pic of Coparent attacking the birdbath in the front yard. Who knew it was white?!?!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Electrical Appliances are evil
Evil I tells ya!!
Now, I know some of you will be shocked but I have an admission to make. Some times, I can ever so slightly, be just a little, well, OCD.
Sadly my particular version of OCD had nothing to do with fastidiously cleaning. Or my bathroom wouldn't look the way it does and we wouldn't be currently running through the pros and cons of hiring a cleaning person!
I tend to be a little weird (hard to believe, I know!). A chronic insomniac, I can't sleep unless I am either holding the TV remote or know exactly where it is. It has to be on the bed - across the room just doesn't cut it for some reason. Plus, the TV has to be on.
Yes, yes I know. Oprah has gone on and on about the evils on TV's in the bedroom, but something has to go on in there and quite frankly, Oprah doesn't do it for me.
Oh and what's on the TV? It has to be good. Something I would want to watch. Otherwise I stay up shooting dagger looks at the TV for not entertaining me enough to sleep. Yes, as I said, weird.
So last week, I turned on the TV for it to shut itself off and give me the black screen of death. Mmmm. Not great.
Imagine my disgust when two days later, the TV (tiny, but still within my OCD guidelines) I replaced it with died in front of me. This one, which had lasted 20 years, turned itself off and refused to play again. Yes, two in a week. Don't tell anyone but I had to borrow Mini-me's for the night to get some sleep!
I have a brand spanking new one. 26 inch. Flatscreen. I'm in OCD heaven.
Although Coparent has strongly suggested I don't touch it and stay right away given my track record this week. Particularly after I simultaneously blew three energy saving light globes in the kitchen by flicking the switch.
Now, I know some of you will be shocked but I have an admission to make. Some times, I can ever so slightly, be just a little, well, OCD.
Sadly my particular version of OCD had nothing to do with fastidiously cleaning. Or my bathroom wouldn't look the way it does and we wouldn't be currently running through the pros and cons of hiring a cleaning person!
I tend to be a little weird (hard to believe, I know!). A chronic insomniac, I can't sleep unless I am either holding the TV remote or know exactly where it is. It has to be on the bed - across the room just doesn't cut it for some reason. Plus, the TV has to be on.
Yes, yes I know. Oprah has gone on and on about the evils on TV's in the bedroom, but something has to go on in there and quite frankly, Oprah doesn't do it for me.
Oh and what's on the TV? It has to be good. Something I would want to watch. Otherwise I stay up shooting dagger looks at the TV for not entertaining me enough to sleep. Yes, as I said, weird.
So last week, I turned on the TV for it to shut itself off and give me the black screen of death. Mmmm. Not great.
Imagine my disgust when two days later, the TV (tiny, but still within my OCD guidelines) I replaced it with died in front of me. This one, which had lasted 20 years, turned itself off and refused to play again. Yes, two in a week. Don't tell anyone but I had to borrow Mini-me's for the night to get some sleep!
I have a brand spanking new one. 26 inch. Flatscreen. I'm in OCD heaven.
Although Coparent has strongly suggested I don't touch it and stay right away given my track record this week. Particularly after I simultaneously blew three energy saving light globes in the kitchen by flicking the switch.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Birthday
Happy Birthday to me for yesterday!
Amazingly I'm now 37. It seems almost incredible because I don't feel 37. Part of me thinks that I don't feel really different from 10ish years ago, apart from now having 3 children and a mortgage. I suppose a lot has happened in 10 years.
Children, mortgage, loss of family members and loved ones, serious illness in the family, jobs, study, job again. Just thinking about it is making me tired!
I've now known Coparent for 20 years, B and J for around 21 years. Where did all that time go?!?!?!!
I think I need another trip to Sydney to remind me of who I was/am again. We'll see.
Amazingly I'm now 37. It seems almost incredible because I don't feel 37. Part of me thinks that I don't feel really different from 10ish years ago, apart from now having 3 children and a mortgage. I suppose a lot has happened in 10 years.
Children, mortgage, loss of family members and loved ones, serious illness in the family, jobs, study, job again. Just thinking about it is making me tired!
I've now known Coparent for 20 years, B and J for around 21 years. Where did all that time go?!?!?!!
I think I need another trip to Sydney to remind me of who I was/am again. We'll see.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I didn't write this . . .
but it's well worth publishing here. One of the few things I have read recently that made me literally laugh out loud. . . .
Old Testament Parenting
'Lamentations of the Father'
by Ian Frazier
Laws of Forbidden Places
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
Of the juices and other beverages, yea, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as it were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination unto me. Yea, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.
Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you shall be sent away.
When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you shall be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister hath done the same to you.
Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.
And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that,that is why.
Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.
Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.
But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.
And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.
Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet shall not surely die.
Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.
And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see.
Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.
Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be also bitten again. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you shall drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
Old Testament Parenting
'Lamentations of the Father'
by Ian Frazier
Laws of Forbidden Places
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
Of the juices and other beverages, yea, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as it were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination unto me. Yea, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.
Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you shall be sent away.
When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you shall be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister hath done the same to you.
Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.
And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that,that is why.
Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.
Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.
But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.
And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.
Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet shall not surely die.
Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.
And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see.
Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.
Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be also bitten again. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you shall drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
Monday, July 6, 2009
In the toilet
My self esteem that is.
For the past few days, I've pretty much just felt crappy.
Admittedly, I think I'm being too hard on myself. I had surgery last Thursday and I'm tired and sore so that probably isn't helping. Depression always seems to pop around after a general anesthetic so that is also probably contributing. My thinking always tends to get a little screwy when depression pops around so I'm probably not being the most rational person I could be at the moment.
I caught a look at my new scars a few days ago and quite frankly, just started to bawl. Between the scars from my heart operation, gall bladder operation, two umbilical hernia operations and this hernia op, I look like some weirdly put together jigsaw puzzle all over my stomach. Which of course, set of a whole new bout of irrational thinking (not that I actually believe it's irrational but I'm sure others will tell me it is). It's the 'I'll be alone forever now' and 'Noone will ever want me again' thinking. Which should be crazy because I've had scars since I was 4. I can't remember my body without one.
I know I'll bounce back. I usually do. So for the moment I think I'll indulge in feeling crappy then worry about being resilient tomorrow.
For the past few days, I've pretty much just felt crappy.
Admittedly, I think I'm being too hard on myself. I had surgery last Thursday and I'm tired and sore so that probably isn't helping. Depression always seems to pop around after a general anesthetic so that is also probably contributing. My thinking always tends to get a little screwy when depression pops around so I'm probably not being the most rational person I could be at the moment.
I caught a look at my new scars a few days ago and quite frankly, just started to bawl. Between the scars from my heart operation, gall bladder operation, two umbilical hernia operations and this hernia op, I look like some weirdly put together jigsaw puzzle all over my stomach. Which of course, set of a whole new bout of irrational thinking (not that I actually believe it's irrational but I'm sure others will tell me it is). It's the 'I'll be alone forever now' and 'Noone will ever want me again' thinking. Which should be crazy because I've had scars since I was 4. I can't remember my body without one.
I know I'll bounce back. I usually do. So for the moment I think I'll indulge in feeling crappy then worry about being resilient tomorrow.
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