Medically required farts and more. . .

I'm home! It's been a while since I've been so glad to see my large, comfy bed with my own doonah and own ensuite and own pillows and it's almost bliss!!

The operation went well. As far as I know - I certainly don't remember details about during!

Recovery is going ok. I have bad pain in both shoulders - slightly worse on the left - which is driving me mental. It's actually worse than at the incision sites, of which there are 5. Yep, 5 more dashes on the stomach to add to the collection of jigsaw inspirited body modifications.

My stomach has definitely shrunk in size - I can only eat sloppy food and slooooowwwwly. If I eat too fast, I hurt. If I eat too much, I hurt. I can manage to get down about 10 spoons of whatever I'm eating and them I'm pretty much done.

I managed to get discharged after 2 days simply because I couldn't sleep in hospital. I am an Amazon woman in a bed sized for children. Really. Plus I was right next to the nurses' station and they never shut up! I really didn't need to know more details about 1028's bowel problem. The pillows were hard, the bed was lumpy and I was miserable. So Dr Damn Nice was damn nice and let me go early so I could get some sleep and well, go home and fart.

Yes, apparently it's now a medical necessity that I fart as often and as largely as I can. Gas that was pumped into my body during the op needs to come out and the shoulder pain apparently won't go for some time, especially if I don't start cutting the cheese on a regular basis.

Ahhh recovery. It's so glam!

Let the cutting begin . . .

It's on!

This time tomorrow I'll no doubt be sore and feeling sorry for myself. Oh wait, that's already happening tonight! lol

I have to be at the hospital at 6am. Without a coffee. How rude!!

Surgery begins around 8am.

Wish me luck that Dr Damn Nice does a lovely job and I don't become - yet again - the Queen of Complications.

I have a date!

With a surgeon that is.

First surgery on the stomach is booked for 25th June which is about 4 weeks away. That way I should be ok to struggle on through, plus will have two weeks of the school holidays to loll around in bed trying to recover!

I should be in hospital for around 2-3 days and will be on what my Mum describes as 'old lady food'. Yes, it will be slops for me for quite some time apparently. Joy! I think I'll have to head out and have a damn big slab of steak just for the heck of it, before I go in.

Dr Damn Nice did an Endoscopy to check out the situation and I have some rather icky pictures of the inside of my stomach. Or stomachs because at the moment mine is sort of split in two. Any Wiggles fans? Sing along with me: I'm a cow, I'm a cow.

The Endoscopy went fine. I was really nervous about having a huge tube stuck down my throat and being awake for it, but the drugs!! Oh, the drugs!! Fabulous stuff! I was truly in la-la land. At one stage I felt the tube in my throat but didn't give a hoot. And I have this weird memory of Dr Damn Nice holding his arms wide saying 'It's this big'. Didn't actually happen but the thought did give me a giggle!

So the countdown is on!

Dr Damn Nice

He was, as usual damn nice.

He confirmed the hernia by looking at the scan and saying 'Holy Mackeral'. Apparently it is large and not only do I have a talent for creating hernias, but a top quality talent at that. Meh. It's a family trait - if you're going to do anything, try to excel!

He's booked me in for an Endoscopy so I'll have some lovely pictures of the inside of my upper GI system. Following that he's going to plan the surgery as apparently it's not straightforward. His opinion is that surgery is definitely required as the stomach is now behind my heart which isn't exactly optimal. I kind of agree with that!

Well, of course!! Do I ever do anything in a straightforward way?

Rooted

Ultrasound results are in and after spending (way too much) some time on Dr Google, I'm still totally confused.

Based on my really sucky medical knowledge, apparently my whole reproductive system is rooted. Yes, that's my professional opinion.

To be more specific, my uterus is . . .umm . . .too big, too full, flipped backwards, and has an icky pattern of *something* (Radiologist couldn't find what). My right ovary is about 6 times the size of lefty and has a charming growth on her. Noice.

I head to Dr Damn Nice on Friday so will be chatting to him however as he's a GI Man (Jo's brother! lol) he'll no doubt have to send me on to a gyno.

And weirdly, I'm ovulating lmao. Does she not know she's in retirement?!?!